Writing about things I love and things I didn't know - oh and things I want to eat and cook

Monday, 8 August 2016

In Which I Cheer Up, Great Ormond Street and Maldon Sea Salt

Dr Charles West and Maldon Sea Salt.

I have developed a bit of a thing for Maldon Sea Salt - more than usual. I posted a recipe on Facebook with peaches and ricotta so won't repeat here. A family run business since 1882, a salt dynasty. Love it. I look around pretty much every day for something yum to eat.

I've been playing on Facebook a bit - yes I know I am about twenty years behind everyone else. It has lots of wonder as does Twitter and the very thing that got my nose out of a book and inches from a screen - the old blog.

I was given a masterclass in blogging by a fellow school run mum and have never looked back - that's you Potty Mummy I faffed about a bit, moved house, wrote lots, discovered Twitter. Here I am. Still can't work Instagram.

Dr. Charles West who founded Great Ormond Street Hospital  was born two hundred years ago today. Here he is and here it is on the original site of 49 Great Ormond Street.

I thought I might cheer the blog up a bit, talk a bit more. I've been fed up and I'm not fed up anymore. I'm writing, running and living. Had my hair done, highlights. Not chavvy ones, caramel.

I've thought about shopping. Look from Charlotte Tilbury to go with the French tan :

I'm doing Strala yoga, outside when I can, bought some oysters for hardly anything and am going to bring back a bit of Ottolenghi - voila !

Saturday, 16 July 2016

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her. Agatha Christie

I have two great confessions, literary wise. I couldn't get through The Lord of The Rings, I don't like it or enjoy it. I managed to get through The Hobbit with difficulty. Tolkein is a gifted linguist, writer I just can't get through it. 

I read Chaucer, Virgil, poetry, I love Dickens - I just can't get to grips with Tolkein. 

Second confession. I have never really got to grips with Agatha Christie. A large part I imagine because I don't watch TV. Over Christmas I was staying with friends and I was winkled into watching Ms Marple and one of the Poirot episodes. 

The friend who winkled me said a large part of the appeal is the beautiful visual, vignette of times past, fabulous clothes   - there I agree.

This morning via Twitter I came across an article about Poirot. He made his debut on 17th July 1916. I read the article, snaffled it, devoured it, ranted about it, printed it off, tweeted, face booked. 

I won't go into a potted biography but so much of her life fascinated me - she became big on poisoning people after her time working as an auxiliary nurse during the war - her dispensary experience would come in super handy. Here is the link to the wonderful article. 

She was homeschooled for the first ten years  - she and her siblings believed her mother Clara to be psychic. 

Her first husband  - Archibald Christie asked for a divorce so he could be free to run off with his mistress. Agatha disappeared for ten days - her disappearance featuring in newspapers worldwide.

This is the room in Istanbul in which she wrote Murder on the Orient Express.

She would later be found in Harrogate, checked into a hotel in the name of the mistress. 

She saw the plight of Belgian refugees thus determined to make Poirot Belgian. She was rejected many times for publication, now she is the third best seller behind The Bible and Shakespeare. 

Her second husband, the archaeologist Sir Max Mallowman took her to digs in Syria and Iraq. She wrote of the 'creamy beauty' of Palmyra. 

I get now to discover with admiration, anticipation and joy Agatha Christie. 

I am about to cook this not laced, with any luck with this :

Thursday, 26 May 2016

Queen Victoria, Winnie The Pooh, The Samaritans

There is a Chinese saying, I think. May we live in interesting times. I am about there. I have had cardiac dramas, not mine. A couple of suppers with the most unlikely yet deeply amusing group of people.

Anecdotes about past generations - including peerage earning wonderfulness. I met a nice Milanese insurance man ( nothing dodgy just business ) in a fabulous Italian restaurant in the City - the chicken liver parfait the stuff of legend and my scallops just perfect.

I went to Eucharist at St Paul's  - the Colet Court choristers in rehearsal an extra joy.

I have been commissioned to write about City churches. I stumbled, literally across St Stephen's Walbrook. I'll be brief but designed by Wren, the dome the prototype for St Paul's. In 1953 the then Dean Dr Chad Varah commissioned a social outreach programme - the birth of the Samaritans.

The Foundling Museum - I am the descendant of a Foundling and my book is based on this wonderful inspiring hospital as was - will curate the Found exhibition.

I am going to post here and Facebook which has become my new playmate ideas on that - an object - which object -makes you think you couldn't live without or sends you into a madeleine reverie.

I am thinking still.

May the 24th 1819 was the birthday of Queen Victoria. Those who know me know I am huge fan of the Victorians' - social engineering, literature, pioneers, engineers, the Great Exhibition. Hard to know what image to select to celebrate her so I went for this, a book I love and refer back to daily :

James Smithson who would go on to found The Smithsonian graduated from Oxford on May the 26th 1789.

This from the Bronte Society on Facebook. On May the 26th 1853 Charlotte Bronte would find Arthur Bell Nicholls by the Parsonage Gate in 'paroxysms of anguish.' A friend went through one of those earlier this week.

Food. I'm off to the South of France next week. Has to be the pan bagnat this links to Hugh FW's great article and recipe but if you have a chance take a look at this :

Thursday, 7 April 2016

Petit Prince, Off Days, Revenge

Antoine de Saint-Exupery published the magical Le Petit Prince on April the 6th 1943. I have found it inspiring since I first came across it and still do.

Look at www.goodreads.com should you need some quotes. He also lived a very interesting life.

I was looking at the life of Daphne du Maurier and her marriage to General Sir Frederick Browning. Lots of food for thought for a later day.

Here is Le Petit Prince :

I came across a great article in The Telegraph about gifted writers having an off day....Shakespeare, Shelley, Wordsworth on the list.

I thought their off day up their with most people's top day. Shakespeare compares envy to the colour of an orange. This from Wordsworth :

And to the left, three yards beyond,
You see a little muddy pond
Of water--never dry
I measured it from side to side:
'Twas four feet long, and three feet wide.

On my mind and at discussion over the table is revenge, retribution, divine justice, anger, how to deal with those who have wronged us and who commit acts of great evil in general.

Should we stand back and be free of enmity and let 'karma' takes its' course ? Should we acknowledge that wanting revenge 'digs two graves.' Should we realise that to be free of whatever malice has been done to us we 'walk away.' I have saved a great Radio 4 Off The Page Audio to listen to - Grudges.

I am trying the latter - saying to myself whatever harm has been caused to me at least I don't have to live with the fact that I have caused harm to that extent.

Food - mmm. Saw a Tom Aikens tweet which was all beautifully verdant and spring green. I thought of watching Nigel Slater by the fire later. This should keep me company :

Monday, 4 April 2016

It's not personal. It's business.

"It is so easy to believe that you'll always be ready to handle everything life presents to you, but a day--many days--arrive and you can't bear it, you can't even dream that you have it within you or around you to cope or to survive. Hold on to that emotional, dreaming person--the one who feels--and keep family and friends and the things you love and the things you live for deep in your head and your heart. Eat and laugh a lot; love deeply; give fully. It doesn't just go by fast; it comes at you with alarming speed and stealth and damage.

"You will not be prepared. You will be knocked off your feet, your foundation. Make sure it's a strong foundation, and make sure you know how to get back to it and on it and re-build it.

"No one is ready for what ultimately arrives, but some are lucky and are able to not only survive but to get others through it all.

"Work on that. Feel more. Laugh a lot. Draw a circle of loved ones around you."--
Marlon Brando/Interview with James Grissom
Happy Birthday, Marlon Brando April 3rd 1924.

Sunday, 3 April 2016

Summer is a Verb Not a Noun - Thank you Jack Wills

It's a gorgeous day. Yesterday I sat outside and read the papers with a glass of Rose.

I decided to shop. I love Jack Wills - for the children and yes for me. Same vibe as Mumford - amidst all the dross and grimy old mangy old you knows it's clean, healthy, civilised.

I took the title for this post from their website. I thought it inspired. Very good marketing people.

Look :

My daughter has a summer birthday like me - every year since she was tiny I buy her a birthday dress and a dinner dress - so she can change for dinner !

She now has the most wonderful collection of exquisite  i love gorgeous dresses.

Look :

Today marks the anniversary of Graham Greene's death. Interesting article here.

Look :

Whilst on books this is lovely :

As for food I really enjoyed reading this.

Now go and make hay everyone ! Happy Sunday.

Saturday, 2 April 2016

Zola, Sandhurst, Martinis, Van Gogh, Crayola

Emile Zola was born on April the 2nd 1840. Here is the Wikipedia link, he's a fascinating man, I did my dissertation on L'Assommoir and Le Ventre de Paris is fantastic.

I understand from my new friend Facebook that the Royal Military Academy at Sandhurst was established in its' current guise on this day in 1947.

I just read Belgian Waffle's post - eyes left. She talked about Martinis. I had a Martini incident with someone quite unique - nothing grimy or rude just bloody funny and once in a lifetime.

I may write about it at some stage.

It's also Alec Guinness's birthday. 1914. This wonderful book gave me the idea ( and my sister ) to play on Facebook - yes I know about 300 years after everyone else.

This from Vincent Van Gogh to his brother :

'Admire as much as you can, most people don't admire enough'

I read this in Aix then went on a pilgrimage to Arles as I was in the neck of the woods. It is lovely. Gauguin came to stay and they had these wonderful discussions about whether or not they could afford to go for a drink or buy paint. 

Just came across this wonder from Ottolenghi which has to be done. Heading out for a sunny day tipple so will come back re Crayola.

Wednesday, 30 March 2016

Pencils, Doctors, Twitter, Gougeres, James Joyce

Bit of a rush today as I have and am pleased to be able to help get various people I care lots about get to various doctors appointments.

There's a sentence.

I have only just found Facebook. So far so good. I was guided by Potty Mummy very very well as to how to start a blog. I did and it was great fun but it was a few years ago and I got a couple of trolls and stalkers and thought sod this and closed it down.

I wish I hadn't. It was quite a laugh. Also an example of me capitulating to being bullied which I really really hate. Bullies are cowards - stand your ground and tell them to fuck off.


I have always loved Twitter - many say it has dark sides and the bullying and abuse can be worse there than anywhere but I keep in touch with museums all over the world and the 'font of information' is amazing.

Today's blog post is all courtesy of Twitter and in that vein brief and character limited !

James Joyce had lifelong problems with his eyesight. I heard somewhere but I need to check that his father had a pencil factory.

Today is #NationalPencilDay.

I have always had a thing for Caran D'Ache.

It's also #NationalDoctorsDay - there are so many amazing, pertinent, hugely important things I could post here. The marvellous Agnodice from Oxford Academic, one of my favourites on Twitter.

Thinking too about an initiative from the Soil Association looking to working with hospital food.

It's also #Hug A Medievalists Day. Damn right.

My dog went for an, ahem, extended stroll the day before yesterday. It was very frightening. It was fine he was taken in by a neighbour but he has never done it before. He loves cheese.

So these babies are happening today for this fella :

Saturday, 26 March 2016

An idea, like a ghost, must be spoken to a little before it will explain itself

It's Easter
We have ‪#‎Brexit‬ and Trump, atrocities, enmity, footballers being paid walloping amounts and Addenbrookes in administration.
Ministers taking money from the disabled, servicemen fighting, religious wars, return of Scarlet Fever, Frederick Forsyth talking about sexting and admitting like me he has no idea who the Kardashians are.
We have ugly vegetables being rejected, dairy farming in the red, twenty somethings that can't get on the housing ladder. An education system third from the bottom worldwide. Maths curriculum that doesn't add up.
We have more trinkets and toys and gadgets than ever before, acquisition of things the new false God. 
I am not sure I see altruism, benevolence, kindness. I worry we are becoming desensitised. I see the countryside snaffled up by voracious developers. Cornish fish sold to Spain. Poets, heroes and heroines forgotten. Pioneers and industrialists not spoken of. 
We have to tax sugar as we have an obesity epidemic. We had the might and majesty of the London Olympics which I honestly thought would cause an existential national shift - for the better. We have reality TV. 

I usually bang on about Dickens - post title - or poets or obscure Italian authors but today my mind is with :

Many many actors have made a career playing Holmes. I will tell you about the Benedict Cumberbatch kissing me on the cheek after Rhinoceros another time. 

He wrote the Holmes series as he needed to make money to send his wife to Switzerland for treatment for his bronchial problems. He was the inspiration for Julian Barnes' mighty Arthur and George. 

He believed in life after death. I always feel he would be a really really good man. 

In my garden I have a magnolia older than the house. I have been on a run which costs nothing. Last night supper was made for me and it was heaven. 
Easter a time of sadness but also renewal no ? When people say they are bored or fed up I always say - and mean - read Dickens. His life as well as his work. I think we need a him to transact and make sense of all of this - via the written word. 

I was listening to something rather lovely on R4 at oddball 'o' clock about a Jewish family. Had some beautiful prayers. I wanted to make something different for Easter. Have a look at this.

Easter wishes to you all.

Wednesday, 23 March 2016

Getting lost - literally and metaphorically

Whether it's the midlife crisis kicking in, lovely open conversations with people who share anecdotal notions of how to come through hardship, feeling at though the worst is possibly over, wishing such pointless, self indulgent dross hadn't happened in the first place...

I feel slightly edified. We get damaged, we get sad, we cry a lot, we pray - if one is inclined. We read and talk and hope. 

Is it part of the human condition to believe in the essential goodness of life ? People ? 

Yes it is in my case despite at the moment heavy duty reason not to.

I am researching Mr Fortnum and  Mr Mason. My mum has always said I could get lost in Fortnum's - I don't have a very good sense of direction....

I love the idea of enterprise, endeavour, the human spirit fighting for goodness. 

I can't get though an hour let alone a day without Charles Dickens.

Here's what he wrote about Fortnum and Mason :

"Look where I will - I see Fortnum and Mason. All the hampers fly wide open and the Green Downs burst into a blossom of lobster salad."

We are here to be kind - let's try to be kind. If for some reason there are issues ( from where I am standing insecurity, jealous and anger are the big ones ) get some therapy.

I am going to eat this.

Sunday, 6 March 2016

Moomin Mamma, Michaelangelo, Invictus, Alec Guinness

Happy Mother's Day. One and all. Be you a mother or not in the literal sense. I am sure you are a mother in some sense - not least to all our wonderful animals.

I have been following the wonderful, inspiring Tania Kindersley's blog for a good few years. The writing is evocative, powerful, funny, touching, hate to use a publishing cliche but she has a unique voice.

Astonishing photos. Glorious, courageous honesty. I mention this here as Tania wrote something this week which went bammmm in my head - something I have felt to be an absolute truth since the age of about 14. That life can be understood, deconstructed and better savoured, simplified by reading A Room With A View.

It is and will always be my favourite film.

A second thought came to mind today, I was asked to engage in a mind melt thing about children's literature.

I thought of the Moomins. On Mother's Day I give you Moomin Mamma :

'You have to go on a long journey before you can find out how wonderful home is.'

Today is Michaelangelo's birthday. Born in 1475 at Caprese. I'm including a link to The Ashmoleum. One can call up and arrange an appointment to see the collection.

You know when words bash around your head, familiar, sometimes in slivers, portions. I have been thinking about the poem Invictus, the poet William Ernest Henley an inspiration to me when I was younger.

Right. Food. There will be banquets and banquets for Mother's Day. Tomato sandwiches and salads. Cakes and clafoutis.

My super, mamma food - white asparagus or any asparagus and oysters with frisky shallot vinegar. Not by the six or twelve but by the trentaine.

Happy day.

Monday, 8 February 2016

Dickens, Faith a Bit of Kung Fu Panda and Sir Samuel Rush Meyrick

I am going through a bit of a vile time - I know it will come good and I will get through it but what I hate is the collateral damage - harm, distress and worry caused to those I love. 

Like Helen in The Archers I have been railroaded by a sociopath - anyway - it gives one a lot to think about and looking at it academically which I do makes it sort of interesting in a Mary Shelley kind of way. 

These people are identified in various different ways - in fact it was a dear friend  - yes you D - who clocked mine - he speaks from experience and 'tapped' me on the shoulder as he recognised certain behavioural patterns. 

That's enough for now but I will write more as it helps. 

Still all over Chinese New Year :

The thing I have found is that when I quiet my mind ( I am shit at meditation so I do it in the small hours ) I just KNOW everything is going to be ok. I think this must be faith.

I have thought long and hard about my faith and I realise now how much it means to me and what strength it gives me - when one is up against wrong just think 'good will out.'

My beloved sister just had a REALLY BIG OPERATION and has come out the other side an utter champion. Extraordinary and inspiring. We went to a Carol Service at Ely and the wonderful Canon gave her a kiss on the cheek and she later told me she knew everything was going to be ok.

I am going to give myself some advice - step away from the problem, deep breaths, look at it with distance and it's a bit like riding a horse in a tough race - it's the final fence that matters even if you take a whack or two getting there.

Good will out. 

If by any chance you follow Apollo Magazine on twitter you will come across the most beautiful painting of Sir Samuel Rush Meyrick whose collection is in the British Museum and Wallace Collection. Amazing chap. I'll post the painting next time. 

I just bought this. When I am fed up I want to be in France and when I am in France I think about the influence Elizabeth David had on me as a young cook.

Ps. The definer of the sociopath is a total lack of empathy. There are people who really are without goodness in them. Sadly. My dear friend D suggested an iPhone app so we could scan for them and know in advance. 

I go back to Dickens 'Never take a mean advantage of anyone in any transaction.'


It is the year of the Monkey - Kung Hei Fat Choy.

I am a monkey. Just found out that Dickens was too. Happy days.

I literally love dim sum for breakfast so I had a word with Jamie  - YUM. 

Sunday, 7 February 2016

A Letter from Dickens to his youngest son 'Plorn' in Australia

My Dearest Plorn
 I write this note to-day because your going away is much upon my mind, and because I want you to have a few parting words from me to think of now and then at quiet times. I need not tell you that I love you dearly, and am very, very sorry in my heart to part with you. But this life is half made up of partings, and these pains must be borne. It is my comfort and my sincere conviction that you are going to try the life for which you are best fitted. I think its freedom and wildness more suited to you than any experiment in a study or office would ever have been; and without that training, you could have followed no other suitable occupation.
What you have already wanted until now has been a set, steady, constant purpose. I therefore exhort you to persevere in a thorough determination to do whatever you have to do as well as you can do it. I was not so old as you are now when I first had to win my food, and do this out of this determination, and I have never slackened in it since.
Never take a mean advantage of anyone in any transaction, and never be hard upon people who are in your power. Try to do to others, as you would have them do to you, and do not be discouraged if they fail sometimes. It is much better for you that they should fail in obeying the greatest rule laid down by our Saviour, than that you should.
I put a New Testament among your books, for the very same reasons, and with the very same hopes that made me write an easy account of it for you, when you were a little child; because it is the best book that ever was or will be known in the world, and because it teaches you the best lessons by which any human creature who tries to be truthful and faithful to duty can possibly be guided. As your brothers have gone away, one by one, I have written to each such words as I am now writing to you, and have entreated them all to guide themselves by this book, putting aside the interpretations and inventions of men.
You will remember that you have never at home been wearied about religious observances or mere formalities. I have always been anxious not to weary my children with such things before they are old enough to form opinions respecting them. You will therefore understand the better that I now most solemnly impress upon you the truth and beauty of the Christian religion, as it came from Christ Himself, and the impossibility of your going far wrong if you humbly but heartily respect it.
Only one thing more on this head. The more we are in earnest as to feeling it, the less we are disposed to hold forth about it. Never abandon the wholesome practice of saying your own private prayers, night and morning. I have never abandoned it myself, and I know the comfort of it.
I hope you will always be able to say in after life, that you had a kind father. You cannot show your affection for him so well, or make him so happy, as by doing your duty.
Your affectionate Father.


I loved every minute of the London Olympic opening ceremony - the Queen as Bond and Daniel Craig 'coughing' to get her attention. The chimneys  - a wonderful representation of our great industrial might - taking this little island from agricultural to world superpower.

The Great Ormond Street bit - you all KNOW I am sure J.M.Barrie made a bequest that the profits from Peter Pan would go to Great Ormond Street.

I loved Tim Berners Smith, Brunel all of it.

I cried with pride the whole time. Joy. One little tiny thing I might have included - a certain Charles Dickens.

Ugh some say. Not so happy experiences of wading through Bleak House at school. I get it. Revisit.

My life wouldn't be the same without this extraordinary man.

I want to start my own school and call it 'Fezziwig's'. School motto : 'Eat cake and dance.'

Dickens is so many things. Consider in his life he was not only prodigiously productive but also hugely commercially successful. He had the sense to 'tap into' the popularity of his work in America and undertake a reading tour.

He has the most wonderful, idiosyncratic no doubt difficult childhood. He had great humour - if you visit the Dickens Museum - now refurbished thanks I believe to lottery funding - you will see from his correspondence what a laugh he was.

His sister in law died sadly in her sleep at Doughty Street - perhaps from here derives his ( and my ) lifelong fascination with ghosts.

I'm totally biased bit looks like he had really good hair too.

Even if you find him unreadable everyone knows who Scrooge is. Probably Oliver Twist too.

I can't really write this very well because I can't really think straight as all I can think of is the wonderful gifts he has given me and all of us.

Quite often us Brits don't celebrate what we have - I have only just discovered ( yes I know ) James Corden and his carpool karaoke which is legendary. I talk about The Great Exhibition of 1851 virtually every day. Our great industrialists too.

Do one thing - I guarantee in most houses in the UK there is a copy of Dickens lurking. Have a look. Failing that google him. Even Dickens quotes.

I'm spending most of today with Little Dorrit.

I leave you with this from Mr Bumble, a reassurance that it is ok to cry. 

It opens the lungs, washes the countenance, exercises the eyes, and softens down the temper, said Mr. Bumble. So cry away.”

Wednesday, 3 February 2016

World Cancer Day - THAT'S THAT

This one is hard for me to write though also a privilege. I have two family members fighting cancer - like most families I suspect.

I would say if you come across anything remotely suspicious in your mouth, cheek or tongue get it looked at sharpish. Not to be alarmist just safe.

Elizabeth Blackwell was born on February the 3rd 1821 - the first woman to receive a medical degree in the United States and the first woman to be admitted to the UK Medical Register.


If you have ever wondered why the Hayward Gallery has it's name have a look at my link. Isaac Hayward. I have always loved the South Bank  - the theatres - I was lucky enough to see Anthony Hopkins playing Lear. Took the edge off the trauma of Little Shop of Horrors. 

Go to the supermarket or cancer research website please and buy a bracelet. I say this with humility and all gratitude - doctors, surgeons, nurses - all medical staff are literally performing miracles every single hour of every single day. 

David Bowie and Alan Rickman were felled by the same cancer as my late daddy. 

If you are on Twitter please follow this :

Couldn't resist this from the marvellous Rachel Khoo. Be healthy and THANK YOU to everyone who has looked after those I love. 

Saturday, 30 January 2016

Although It Does My Head In and Makes Me Panic about What Children See - Why I Love The Internet - Today

I am forever saying - parental control, Bond is violent, I don't understand what wi-fi is nor do I really care, pick up a pencil and draw, stare at snowdrops - today however I like the Internet.

I read a wonderful blog post about Hans Sloane - I spend a lot of very blissful time at The Physic Garden and I loved the article.

I looked up an obscure God I needed for work. I found out how old Marcus Mumford is - this is oddly important to me.

I fiddled tentatively on instagram and lost a looooong time looking at manger - the blog on my list to the left.

Rousseau - here I paraphrase in extremes - when asked what was the greatest scientific advance of his time and why  ( lots of people were asked by the Academie, not just him ) said 'none, man is born free and everywhere we are in chains.'

I usually agree with him however today I don't  - a little bit.

I'm am bit twitter before heading out to friends to stay for the evening and take the dog on the beach.

Look at this :

I love love love The British Library and it's fascinating blog - I too have always loved Edward Lear and consider him, like A A Milne and D H Lawrence -  to be one of our overlooked geniuses. This gives me great joy.

I am just starting work on a new manuscript - have a working title I quite like. This made me laugh :

Off to supper ce soir and thought I might make these.

Right, back to Twitter.

Thursday, 28 January 2016

The Archers, Sociopaths, Spaghetti alle Vongole and a Place Mat

Narcissus. I love the Classics, always have and always will and one day when my life gets normal again I am due to undertake some postgraduate study. Latin, Greek, Classics. 

I have not only read but enjoyed Thucydides. Narcissus. There is a sociopath in The Archers called Rob. I am 'in the trenches' trying to get away from a sociopath.

A very dear friend of mine  - married to a sociopath - came up with the brilliant idea of an iPhone app - these people are good, plausible, charming, always one step ahead and utterly without remorse.

If one could scan for the sociopath kink in the DNA so so much pain would be spared. I imagine they could all be herded together in a sociopath compound and be odd together.

Sadly the sociopath tends to ferret out the empath. We don't stand a chance. The key determinator  - no empathy. 

I don't want to harp on about it here but I will be as my freedom emerges and I repair. All I would say - be careful. You don't know they are out there until they decimate your life - and they are not sort of clever / charming / gifted like Sherlock Holmes - they are evil.

I was having supper at a friends house. It was lovely. Me and just boys - big ones but nevertheless. They could not have been more kind or gracious. They fed me and made me laugh, they were gentle and gracious. I have been brutalised but they understood on a very kind level and made me feel safe and happy. 

I started - here I start to look to my faith which has always been with me but I come to lean on now when I really need it ( apologies greater, divine power - to err is to be human and all that.. ). I sat quietly saying - a bit  "Eat, Pray, Read' or whatever that book is - show me a sign that there is someone, something on my side, someone looking after me. 

I looked down at the place mat. A picture of a hunting scene. My dad's name on it. The hunt referred to was the very Hunt my new boy - who is not a sociopath - was out with just a week or so ago. 

Message received with great thanks. Good will out. 

I need a bit of him :

Food heals and tonight when I need to heal I will have a unique recipe made just for me - I can't really share as it's sort of private but suffice to say spaghetti alle vongole will get me through. Made with love. 

We will all have our battles - I would advise anyone going through shit - have faith, have faith in love, give thanks for those who support you in your darkest hour and know that 'right will be done.'

My spaghetti tonight is made with love. Made to give me strength and to help me heal.